"The Captain's Car" is the fifth episode of the seventh series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Friday 13 December 1974.

Synopsis

The platoon inherit a Rolls-Royce car and have to prepare for a visiting French General.

Plot

Lady Maltby arrives to see Captain Mainwaring in his office, as she is unable to acquire any petrol for her Rolls-Royce car, so is keen to see it used for the war effort. She is carefully maintaining her class distinction, being very superior to Mainwaring, then catches sight of Sergeant Wilson, and greets him warmly as "Dear Arthur". They talk for a few minutes, obviously well acquainted, leaving Mainwaring fuming. Mainwaring is very keen to use the vehicle as a staff car, so Private Frazer offers to respray it in camouflage cheaply. Unfortunately, there is a misunderstanding when Frazer collects the car, and he takes the Mayor's Rolls-Royce instead. A great flap ensues, which is calmed down by the accusation that the Mayor's chauffeur obviously had not disabled the car when he left it, which takes the wind out of the angry Mayor's sails. Of course the Mayor's car is now not black but camouflaged, so Frazer has to spray it again. In the background the town is preparing for the visit of a Free French general. Mainwaring is not impressed, and tells Wilson that "the French don't make very good soldiers, you know, especially after lunch". There is a lot of argument between the Wardens and the Home Guard about who should have the most important spot in the Guard of Honour. Frazer just manages to deliver the Mayor's (now black) car in time, but the paint is still wet. At the Guard of Honour, the vicar's choir sings half the French National Anthem ("they didn't have time to learn it all"), Wilson gives a welcoming speech in French, and the French General is so overcome he kisses Wilson, then Mainwaring, on both cheeks. Then the flash of Private Cheeseman's camera startles him, and he steadies himself with his hands against the Rolls-Royce, so that when he kisses the outraged Warden Hodges he ends up with black paint all over his face.

Cast