Getting Nowhere Fast is a BBC Radio sitcom written by and starring the comedian and musician Mervyn Stutter. Stutter plays "Merv" the co-owner and manager of "The Cyber Pass", a former "vodka'n'veggies" bistro converted into an Internet Cafe. Actress Lill Roughley plays Pamela Baverstock, Merv's ex-wife and the other co-owner of the bistro. Pamela's rich property-developer husband Dominic keeps her in a fine house, in the front garden of which Merv lives in a small caravan. Dominic is never heard from directly, but constantly phones Pamela on her mobile, although he has trouble remembering who she is, so busy is he with his international business interests. Pamela married Dominic after Merv left to pursue a career as a rock musician, leaving her in charge of the bistro they opened together while still a couple. The action of the show revolves around the relationship between Pamela and Merv, with many distractions from the surreal characters who frequent the bistro. Much use is made of character catchphrases to elicit audience reaction. Musical links by Stutter comment on the plot.

Characters